Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
