found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
