Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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