you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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