May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
