Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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