yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Im part way to drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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