Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am naked and annoyed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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