What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
