My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
