I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
