i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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