You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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