she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
