Moan for me like Helen Keller
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
