I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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