I could make wine with my vomit
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
