he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
