I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
