so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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