Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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