i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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