I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
