We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
