Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
