Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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