Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think your dad took our porno
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
