I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
