i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
