the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
