I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
