If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
