I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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