Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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