You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
