Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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