I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You are a genius and a whore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
