I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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