I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
