he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
