Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
