the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
