6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
