you win again, gameday.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
