Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And then he peed in my hair
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
