Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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