Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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