you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
