So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
