DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
