I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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